who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
