Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i love accidental penises.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Randomize
