You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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