currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
