i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
