New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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