Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
