I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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