I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
