are you still at the devil's house?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
