I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
