don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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