How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
In America we eat man semen.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
