I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
