And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
