Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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