How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
