Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
