nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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