why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
