He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
