no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
