if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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