Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
