Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
