Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
