I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
