I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
