Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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