Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
