So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
