I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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