dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
