I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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