he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
