i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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