I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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