Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
