While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
