Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
