I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
time to smoke my breakfast
i used baking grease as lip gloss
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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