I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
