It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
