remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
