I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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