I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
