Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
