A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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