Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
