New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
