its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
