I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
