my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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