Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
